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00:20:10
H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash
32
CASTEAU: Answer the goddamn phone, woman!
Thank you, chef. The dolma, the rakia.
I'll be out front favoring the guest of honor with aperitif and my presence.
A flagrant violation of my sworn duty, for which my recompense will be?
...are you maggot not prepping? I-- Wait, are you doing a bumper?
How about geopolitics? Uh...
ARCHER: Whoops. That's probably why I seem annoyed.
Which Kennedy? Because if it's Teddy, he still owes me for a urinal so...
...you want me to use this top-secret 934-TX telephonic isolator unit...
Besides not knowing if I should add an 18-percent gratuity?
Oh, then where does auberge fit in?
Nobody will know, it's Albanian glop. The entree is a fricking sheep face.
...we've got ingress points here and here and...
And also little Vernie Kennedy, JFK's crazy niece or cousin or something.
ARCHER: Yeah. "Child murderer" shouldn't be hyphenated.
I'm not cutting out their eyeballs. Not with that. Use a melon baller.
Oh. I'm doing a special seating for diplomat
Excuse me, I need to make sure my sous chef hasn't ruined it.
This is gonna be televise? WOMAN: Yeah, the show's called Bastard Chef.
Was that ambiguous? Why are you antagonizing him?
Uh, the food's splatter all over the wall and floor...
...then every bit of meat scrape off those cheeks.
The-- Whatever idiot invent those slippery-ass bowls.
Oh, my God, you admire that dick. He's a master chef, Lana...
Which Kennedy? Because if it's Teddy, he still owe me for a urinal so...
Well, I've swept the entire place for explosives...
Hi, yeah, are you done shout at my guests in barely-passable French?
But if it wasn't the food-- How the hell did he get poison?
...whereas I am sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
Is that suppose to be funny? Yes.
Kicked out in the first act.
Hey, is something burn? Oh, wait, it's you, because you just got burn.
Also, that I'd get raped and murder.
You promise you'd stop doing that. They were in my tuxedo from last time.
Uh, should you be smoking in here?
...closely guard by people I deem acceptable.
Wait, a dog ate a tourist? What? That was ambiguously worded.
Except in the form of an exquisitely-prepared entrée.
Yeah, sorry, we were dealing with this incredibly obnoxious hoax, so--
Hi, yeah, are you done shouting at my guests in barely-passable French?
...ritzy joints like Seize have reservation numbers that are strictly on the QT.
Tonight has to go perfectly because it is wall to wall VIP's out there.
Soto drive people away, basically. Those people.
...you're gonna find me in a dumpster somewhere out in Red Hook.
Um, apparently. Ugh! This is so unfair.
CYRIL: Absolutely not.
WOMAN: Two-point-eight. Because it's not promoted properly.
...which turns out is not nearly as gay a job as I thought it was.
LANA: Wait, so what did Malory say exactly?
And yet I will die alone.
...and when I finally do, instead of Casteau's world-famous risotto...
Instead of savoring this espresso, this cigarette...
Fake names, duh. Follow-up question: Do you know how TV actually works?
Cyril, come on, it's my nature. See? Uh, yeah, kind of.
...you want me to use this top-secret 934-TX telephonic isolator unit...
Yeah, so try to sound apologetic, but not, you know, overly so.
...and for some inexplicable reason, they have to do that undercover, so...
For that much money, we could have built a whole new bionic man.
Why is there yogurt fricking soup all over my spotless fricking kitchen?
And you, time to lean, time to get your distracting tits off my line.
Yeah, sorry, we were dealing with this incredibly obnoxious hoax, so--
If Chet gets his incompetent thumb out of his equally incompetent ass!
And to a long, peaceful and prosperous friendship...
...whereas I am sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
MAN: Why do I seem annoyed? Let's see.
...talking to a TV crew when we're undercover?
Was that ambiguous? Why are you antagonizing him?
A flagrant violation of my sworn duty, for which my recompense will be?
...there's been some vague security threat...
L-- She said "credible threat." I know, but what kind of credible--
Nobody will know, it's Albanian glop. The entree is a fricking sheep face.
And then Teddy walks into the library wearing nothing but a whiskey sour.