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00:55:29
Jeremy Clarkson, James May, Richard Hammond, Mike Skinner
140
The presenters head to Mozambique on a mission to feed the people of Bingo, an isolated town in the west of the country, with fish from the country's capital of Maputo, covering a distance of approximately 200 miles. To do this, each of them attempt to find the best transport solution: May buys a Mercedes-Benz Estate and modifies it by fitting a Perspex tank filled with sea water in which to keep the fish alive; Clarkson buys a Nissan Hardbody truck which he fits with a generator and an ice machine in an attempt to keep the fish frozen and Hammond buys a TVS Star motorcycle and devises a rack which he fits to the bike's rear, inspired by a local method of drying and salting the fish to preserve them. After unsuccessfully trying to catch fish using local methods, they buy fish at a local market. Early in the journey, Clarkson's truck crashes into May's car upon rescuing it, damaging its radiator grille. Deeper into rural Mozambique, May constantly soaks himself with sea water from his ill-fitted tank and, due to his damaged radiator grille, suffers multiple breakdowns due to water intrusion. Hammond loses a large number of his fish on the bumpy roads, constantly gets stuck in thick mud and endlessly falls from his motorbike. Clarkson suffers very few issues except when his ice machine breaks, causing him to make small adjustments to his truck in order to smoke the fish with his exhaust. Upon May's car breaking down in the middle of a lake, despite Hammond and Clarkson crossing successfully, Clarkson cuts off the front end of the Mercedes and tows what remains of the rear portion using his truck - much to May's dismay and annoyance. Eventually, the three reach Bingo with May's fish dead, Clarkson's fish ruined and Hammond having almost no fish left. As a result, they sell no fish and leave Bingo in a helicopter "like all charitable celebrities".
Bugger! Bollocks and arse!
Listen. I am prepared to tow your bootful of water. That's important.
There's a lot of gubbin in it.
I hope you get bilharzia of the ball sack!
With a cheese sauce, got a thermidor going on right there.
Jesus here has to exist on a diet of miserable gruel,
JEREMY: Why did you have to break down there, you clodhoppy old imbecile?
When I go for my knighthood, he'll probably bring it up, I should imagine.
...and the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down.
It's got tons of space in the back for cod and bream and sticklebacks.
I think I've got crotch rot from sitting in my own wet underpants
There's a big squall coming.
- fly home to get the OBE. - Right.
That's a massive rut. Oh, no!
which is now covered with a tonneau cover.
That's why we have a different type of fire extinguisher for electrical fires.
I think we've got about somewhere between 70 and 80 kilometre to go to Bingo.
All right, fella?
How does sawing your bonnet up mend your ice machine?
800 quid from a supermarket.
RICHARD: What's the point of me drying fish if you then get them wet in a puddle?
Well, you eat wood smoke. That's disgusting. A bonfire!
Aware that our fish may cause a stampede,
Oh, bollock!
I know Hammond's been obsess about how
Sure, our plan to feed the world had been beset on all sides
Desperately poor. So they don't have refrigerate trucks, all that kind of stuff.
Faced with the prospect of being kidnap by pirates...
So we knuckle down to the business of getting through the mud.
Rubbish. It wasn't dead. I could have mend that once we'd dragged it out.
And it has four-wheel drive, which I reckon is going to be essential,
I think you've drown your hog.
You utter bastards!
I've rig up a really rudimentary tarpaulin
I was haul these in at the time, all of them.
Hammond insist I get out and help.
- When I said "Stop", you accelerate. - Yeah, that did happen.
because - and James hasn't realise this -
- That's what I was shout. - My car is broken.
...we bravely decided to abandon the boat we'd borrow
JAMES: Having refill my tank...
RICHARD: As Jeremy wade through the lake,
He's not bother about world hunger, world poverty.
I'd still complain about the man who mug me
Right, so I need a bucket of water above the height of the stolen ice machine
And because Hammond had reject my anus suggestion
JEREMY: Let's be brutally honest, shall we?
RICHARD: Amazingly, the morning revealed that Jeremy had waited for us,
Luckily Ewan McHammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief.
Desperately poor. So they don't have refrigerated trucks, all that kind of stuff.
Yes, it sounds positively Biblical, I think.
Sadly, though, this wasn't a one-off.
Sometime, probably in the next hour,
and transport it inland,
Thank you. But you were supposed to do it gently.
and then you have to transport the fish to wherever it is they're going.
That is literally the stupidest idea I've ever heard of.
JEREMY: Hammond, meanwhile, hadn't been clever at all.
JEREMY: Once we'd established that somehow
I think we've got about somewhere between 70 and 80 kilometres to go to Bingo.
RICHARD: The tide is definitely coming in.
JAMES: Unfortunately, having agreed that we would end world hunger
James's tank was eventually full.
Hammond cannot possibly make this.
Because normally you'd have to have a smokery, a factory,
I don't particularly want to see you, just to be absolutely clear.
James, it is extremely deep.
because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty.
Exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted a pizza delivery,
when it's underload, pulling him.
But actually it was the ruggedly dependable Mercedes
You're just standing there being fatuous
Don't be such a petulant child.
What a blithering idiot.
In the back, filling up all of the back, is a Perspex tank.
the soggy dog was not being so lucky.
They will be kept succulent and fresh
This is impressive delicacy from Clarkson here. I'm staggered.
The ride in this thing is appalling.
- Nobody's thought of it. - No. Because it's vile!
I think this is so inventive, it really is.
RICHARD: For me, that was a particularly terrifying prospect.
Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal-rolling...
Well, you eat wood smoke. That's disgusting. A bonfire!
and James had to refill his depleted water tank.
But it was all muddy, so I came up with a better idea.
wet, with consumption, smelling like a damp dog.
ie, the fish that are still edible.
Jesus here has to exist on a diet of miserable gruel,
Oh, that's a tragic spectacle, it really is.
because neither of those things were ambitious enough,
to reload your ridiculous drying system?