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00:22:34
Seth MacFarlan, Alex Borstein, Seth Green
212
Enough of your blether. Good evening, world. From this moment on, I will be your...
Cut. OK, nice take, Jenna, but let's try giving the lines a little subtext this time.
Every car I hand-wash comes with a smile, an air freshener,
I need more cheese puffs. Oprah's off the wagon. No toothpick. She'll hurt herself.
- Hey, Quagmire. - Last night I had sex with a black chick.
You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress.
Can someone fluff Paul? He's got a windsock thing goin' on.
Sunshine and fart. What a silly question.
I'd rather they think I'm a jerk than a smut pedlar.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. There. All better?
It says here this is the gutter where the policeman fell over laughing
Easy! Massage the scalp.
It's like stew, only with an "ie!" at the end.
I need more cheese puff. Oprah's off the wagon. No toothpicks. She'll hurt herself.
- Do you remember what he looked like? - Yeah. He had a scar on his arm
Next audition in New York and Quahog, Rhode Island.
Give it up, loser, and don't put your number on the cover, you stupid...
- Know what might be a thrill for you guys? - Ooh! Eating a pebble!
- Get these people out. - Now you're a director, we embarrass you?
- So you guys aren't offend by this? - I can't say I approve but... we love you.
It's not the first time you've disrupt a performance.
You're more than that, Mr "Nominated for an Adult Movie Award for Director".
Daddy's feet smell.
Oh, man, when that fat broad grab that kid's crank through the hole.
- So you guys aren't offended by this? - I can't say I approve but... we love you.
My director quit and I need somebody who's smart, ambitious and not addicted to meth.
It sure is, Melissa. All the studs and sluts are arriving.
Aren't you suppose to be asking me a question?
Guys, I just got invite to a party at Sharon Tate's house!
All right, Samuel, when you lay her down, I want you to enter from... Oh, my God!
- Tell him it suck. - Yeah, it suck.
Your mike isn't plug in.
- Ask me what I want to be when I grow up. - And we also used to play buck-buck.
It's OK. Take your time. Then what happen?
but I guess that's why I'm not workin' out here in Hollywood, huh?
No, no, I'll wait. Oh, you finish?
"Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us
I wanna make this perfectly clear. There is absolutely no way I would consider doing it.
I'm hungry and possibly teething. Maybe I'm wet. Who knows? I'm a baby.
I wanna make this perfectly clear. There is absolutely no way I would consider doing it.
Previously on "Family Guy":
Very well. If torture won't work, perhaps a little tenderness will.
- I've finally found my life's calling. - How wonderful.
You know he actually called the main character John Everyman? Come on.
- How about Musso & Frank's at eight? - OK. See ya later, Mr Big Shot...
In all my research, I've never seen a virus reproduce so fast.
Mm, I like your taste in women. Yes, she and I are going to have a good time together.
I don't usually gush, so forgive me, but when I was writing Coastguard... Oh, I'm a writer.
- No, no... I mean, yes. - Does anyone else smell Astroglide?
- I used to guest-host The Tonight Show. - Oh, yeah. What was that, 30 years ago?
He won't be in LA for ever. He just needs to find himself.
It sure is, Melissa. All the studs and sluts are arriving.
I always loved this little sailor suit. Or we could do nice corduroys and a sweater.
In all my research, I've never seen a virus reproduce so fast.
Your husband's always away on business and you feel isolated and unloved,
That could be the ideal place to unleash my hypnosis device on the unsuspecting public.
Is this any more degrading than washing cars? Here you can be creative.
- Know what might be a thrill for you guys? - Ooh! Eating a pebble!
- Why didn't you tell us? - I thought you'd be ashamed of me.
- Dad, they're staring at me. - They're just jealous.
My director quit and I need somebody who's smart, ambitious and not addicted to meth.
My director quit and I need somebody who's smart, ambitious and not addicted to meth.
without branding oneself with useless labels?
This is unexpected.
Your husband's always away on business and you feel isolated and unloved,
I think it's something I'd be excited to be a part of, so call my...
You like that one, Dick Hertz? Huh? I'm sorry. I'm already drunk.
Great. I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
I wanna thank my incredible team,
and he had a big, stupid, doo-doo head.
- A Woody? I'm up for a Woody? - Call your family. They'll be proud of you.
Oh, man, when that fat broad grabbed that kid's crank through the hole.