Name: I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah
Released: 2017-10-18

1) simcha

And it's been a real simcha, right, Jess?
2) tittie

When you were a baby, she made you personalized tittie cocktails.
3) tallit

- Oh. Shall I dab it with my tallit? - [chuckles]
4) indiscretion

Look at her, flaunting her indiscretion like a pair of diamond earrings.
5) pinkie

Now stick your pinkie in his little toffee-colored tushie.
6) perv

You're such a weird perv sometimes.
7) gim

- Gimme, gim! Just gim. - [soft feedback squeal]
8) boobie

I drank my mommy's boobie juice till I was 12 years old.
9) pimple

you got a big ol' pimple percolatin' on your forehead,
10) aliyah

And now, for the first aliyah,
11) pedophile

Know what they do to pedophile in the big house?
12) lawnmower

Why don't you go outside, push that mons of yours against the lawnmower?
13) lard

- Like soap. Soap is lard. - Marty, be quiet!

1) tov

Mazel tov on your boxy dress!
2) pervert

- It's nighttime. - Isn't that when you pervert go out?
3) unleash

and you unleash a fire hose of Monster Energy drink on her.
4) prosecute

- You guys could be prosecute for that. - Where, in ghost court?
5) forbid

Wowzie-wow, forbid lovers?
6) offend

Why am I oddly offend we're not being rounded up as well?
7) punish

- What a work ethic on this kid. - Wait, do I not get punish?
8) tuck

Um, how about I just tuck you in, kiddo, okay, and I'll be on my way?
9) envy

I truly envy your ability to bat away every one of my insults.
10) rub

just like she rub her face in Cantor Dina's--
11) mist

You idiot! She's a delicate orchid who needs to be gently mist,
12) deserve

to get you the divorce settlement you deserve.
13) dump

We suck up all the bullshit that the world dump up on us

1) mons

You can mons push me all you want.
2) angrily

I'm an angrily married man.
3) oddly

Why am I oddly offended we're not being rounded up as well?
4) genuinely

I can tell that I'm genuinely excited because my back is really sweaty.
5) fyi

FYI, we're gonna begin the journey in five minutes.
6) happily

But I will happily abandon my family
7) honestly

Honestly, am I right? I-- I don't know the different ones.
8) badly

- And I knew it was gonna end badly. - [sniffles]
9) gently

You idiot! She's a delicate orchid who needs to be gently misted,
10) kinda

- I know. You have no idea. - I kinda do.
11) alike

Everyone keeps saying how much we look alike.
12) constantly

You played the wrong music, constantly referenced the Holocaust,
13) anymore

We just won't lie to you anymore.

1) uncalled

Greg, that is uncalled for.
2) boxy

- that makes your torso look boxy. - You don't like the dress?
3) kosh

Is that kosh?
4) dumbass

I finally agree to let your dumbass friends play Jessi's bat mitzvah
5) chock

Oh, Andrew. Raisins are chock-full of natural sugar.
6) fecal

Because of the relentless fecal explosion.
7) bleak

Oh, Jay, that is real bleak.
8) relentless

Because of the relentless fecal explosion.
9) delinquent

You might know me from my bench ads, my three delinquent sons,
10) crooked

and crooked Shannon forced you to buy that dress
11) tense

Now I can see the family's having a particularly tense moment,
12) handicapped

Oh, please, if you're so handicapped maybe you shouldn't be driving!
13) asshole

against bitch ex-wives and asshole ex-husbands,

Big Mouth » Season 1 » I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah