Name: The Open House
Released: 2019-07-25
Cast: Tiffany Haddish, Ali Wong, Steven Yeun

1) jut

♪ Mikä jut tu Mikä blow ♪
2) cerebrum

Suck my cerebrum!
3) omelet

Cookie omelet, anyone?
4) bidet

And blissful bidet for our blessed booty holes.
5) mush

[screams] Now, my face is just a mush with holes in it!
6) beak

My beautiful beak!
7) nook

breakfast nook, moon roof, spa tub, uh, farmhouse sinks with Wi-Fi.
8) binge

and then go home and binge on interior design shows until I feel sick.
9) trampoline

Perfect for a lobby trampoline or foyer catapult.
10) lobe

Shut up, hypothalamus, you dirty lobe-humper.
11) sweetie

Sweetie, could you help me change my diaper?
12) murderer

And if your murderer gets murdered,
13) sucker

[laughs nervously] These are hot little sucker, aren't they?
14) raptor

[man] Boxer versus raptor, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na!
15) nerd

I get to nerd out about architecture
16) bungalow

with this bungalow's bewitching baths, brilliant boudoirs...
17) spoiler

Uh, but spoiler alert, I'm an architect.
18) pastry

I maybe have a weird crush on Pastry Pete. [groans]

1) abduct

where the young bird was abduct?
2) fantasize

while Bertie fantasize about all the other lives we could be living.
3) vint

[in indistinct accent] Because I vint to learn English.
4) indulge

♪ Soak in it, own it Nautti indulge ♪
5) scare

That "30-year fixed" stuff scare the shit out of me.
6) vault

The vault ceilings!
7) smell

-I smell 'em. -[chuckles]
8) approve

Once your loan is approve, you'll be one step closer to home ownership.
9) hang

I-- I wasn't sure if I had hung up properly
10) suppose

What am I suppose to do until I drop dead at 109,
11) kick

You guys wanna take bets on how soon I get kick out of here?
12) mill

It's mill wood, I believe.
13) realize

[Speckle] Hey, uh, I realize this is all happening much faster than we thought.
14) ignore

In fact, I've been ignoring my shit all day, goofing off with you two.
15) murder

And if your murder gets murder,
16) catch

A lot of young people get caught up in the fantasy of buying a house
17) assume

We don't talk about money, but we all assume we're in the same place.
18) lose

[Speckle] Hey, Bertie. We lost the house.

1) headfirst

has driven me headfirst into the jagged cliffs of boring bullshit.
2) shockingly

Actually, realtors are shockingly tolerant of shenanigans.
3) someday

Maybe someday, but right now, the thought of planning a wedding is like, bleh!
4) financially

and aren't prepared to do the work, financially, psychologically,
5) statistically

You keep saying "forever," when statistically, men die at 70.
6) purely

and then, it'll be purely ornamental.
7) sexually

or sexually.
8) loud

♪ You'd have to say it out loud Before you know ♪
9) somewhat

Look at this somewhat spacious kitchen
10) forever

I mean, we were never going to live there forever.
11) properly

I-- I wasn't sure if I had hung up properly
12) exactly

Oh, no, this shit looks exactly like my dream!
13) immediately

Well, I need to leave immediately.
14) sometimes

Plus, sometimes open houses have free cookies.
15) finally

after finally trying cocaine for the first time?
16) instead

[sighs] You put your phone inside the dough instead of chocolate.
17) actually

Actually, realtors are shockingly tolerant of shenanigans.
18) kind

Uh, we kind of have a thing here.

1) bewitching

with this bungalow's bewitching baths, brilliant boudoirs...
2) jittery

What's going on with you? You seem, uh, jittery.
3) blissful

And blissful bidets for our blessed booty holes.
4) resourceful

I love that you care about Tuca, but she's resourceful and resilient.
5) jagged

has driven me headfirst into the jagged cliffs of boring bullshit.
6) resilient

I love that you care about Tuca, but she's resourceful and resilient.
7) ornamental

and then, it'll be purely ornamental.
8) imaginary

Aw, yeah! Imaginary fucking.
9) sour

Hmm! Sweet and sour sauce.
10) spacious

Look at this somewhat spacious kitchen
11) upset

Not because I'm upset, but because I also have my shit together.
12) tremendous

As you can see, this home has tremendous copper pipes.
13) blessed

And blissful bidets for our blessed booty holes.
14) impressed

Consider me impressed.
15) delicious

Damn it! Once again, the siren call of delicious freebies
16) excited

Uh, I got so excited about that little house,
17) brilliant

with this bungalow's bewitching baths, brilliant boudoirs...
18) weird

My dreams aren't weird, and I don't have any fears of commitment.

Tuca & Bertie » Season 1 » The Open House