Name: Phantom of the Telethon
Released: 2018-03-07
Cast: Seth MacFarlane

1) waterboard

- Oh, yeah! - Yea! I get to strap him to the waterboard!
2) teleprompter

[ Chuckles ] That's good. That's good. But that's not what was on the teleprompter!
3) catacomb

This is what I'm supposed to play maniacally down in the catacomb?
4) smithereens

this whole building will be blown to smithereens!
5) telethon

it's the first ever C.I.A. Telethon!
6) negativity

I just need to get away from all this negativity so I can concentrate.
7) demeanor

You've given me a relaxed demeanor!
8) catwalk

These riggings and catwalk are my domain! And Is am their master!
9) keg

We have the biggest keg party this town's ever seen.
10) popper

Piper claps-- Popper clops! Clops that pop your cloppers!
11) genitals

- What the hell was that genitals joke? - That's not what we wrote.
12) repo

or those repo men will take away our torture equipment forever.
13) sabotage

Sabotage? Oh, no!
14) fart

Let's try that on the fart setting.
15) jig

All right, Snake! The jig is up!
16) havoc

Well, until you tell the family this telethon was my idea, I've got havoc to wreak!
17) sweetheart

What a sweetheart. Talented, talented greaseball-- from Ohio!
18) liar

Course he did it, and he said it was all his idea. Made me look like a total liar.

1) slather

So anyway, what happened after you slather him in oil? Did he like that?
2) televise

I said, "Jerry, how about you do a long, televise plea for money?"
3) ringe

[ Phones Ringing ] Stan, it's working! The phones are ringing off the hook!
4) avenge

Mark my words. This time, I will be avenge!
5) disarm

- The bomb is disarm! - [ Cheering ]
6) invent

What if I invent something?
7) wander

Hey, everyone! Look who just wander in...
8) rig

Not so fast. I've rig the exits.
9) steal

- That's what Jerry Lewis said right before he stole my idea. - You knew Jerry Lewis?
10) mess

Well, someone must have mess with it.
11) assure

Though my outward appearance may repulse thee, I assure you my intentions are most pure.
12) admit

[ Roger's Voice ] "Dear Stan. Admit you're the liar, or my reign of terror will continue.
13) destroy

I've already destroy this telethon!
14) fake

This is the very soundstage where we fake the moon landing.
15) suppose

You were suppose to say, "C.I.A. stands for Central Insanity Agency."
16) torture

- What's he talking about? We always torture. - We can't afford it.
17) lie

Oh, that? No, no. I was lying. I was never going to disarm the bomb.
18) wake

We were looking for Roger when somebody hit me on the head. When I woke up, Steve was gone.

1) oddly

Sure, he can be beaten by amateurs, like that oddly proportioned fellow in the cape.
2) luckily

Luckily, I have a plan.
3) apparently

- [ All Laughing ] - He's simply not credible, and I am apparently.
4) forever

or those repo men will take away our torture equipment forever.
5) exactly

Oh, my God! Stan, I know exactly what to do.
6) sometimes

You know, sometimes torture doesn't go quite the way you planned. Let's watch.
7) actually

Not true, folks. Fact is, C.I.A. actually stands for...
8) far

Godlike? I don't know if I'd go that far.
9) fast

Not so fast. I've rigged the exits.
10) else

Good. We can still meet our goal. I just have to make sure nothing else goes wrong.
11) ago

That spaceship sailed a long time ago!
12) ever

it's the first ever C.I.A. Telethon!
13) always

♪ Funny but it's always the same ♪
14) hard

Maybe we're working too hard.
15) never

Well, anyway, you'll never stop me!
16) again

But I'm not gonna be branded a liar again!
17) second

But do you know what the second-greatest nation is?
18) live

Live from C.I.A. headquarters in Langley, Virginia,

1) inhumane

I think torture is barbaric and inhumane!
2) barbaric

I think torture is barbaric and inhumane!
3) appalachian

from their tree house in the Appalachian wilderness.
4) outward

Though my outward appearance may repulse thee, I assure you my intentions are most pure.
5) credible

- [ All Laughing ] - He's simply not credible, and I am apparently.
6) satisfying

Oh. Really thought we were gearing up for a much more satisfying chase. But this--
7) relaxed

You've given me a relaxed demeanor!
8) unofficial

We need the money to fund official unofficial C.I.A. torture.
9) fancy

Honey, that's what you have to do after a man takes you to a fancy dinner.
10) armed

by an armed stranger who failed the psychological test to become a cop.
11) stupid

Thanks, Roger. But I don't need your stupid telethon idea.
12) vital

Snake, do you have information vital to this nation's security?
13) okay

Stan, it's okay. So you're not an idea guy.
14) mad

- You bastard! - You're mad at him for lying?
15) proud

Francine, you must be so proud of your husband.
16) inner

[ All Gasp ] They're using the money to teach inner-city kids...
17) bright

You know, for when it's too bright out.
18) pure

Though my outward appearance may repulse thee, I assure you my intentions are most pure.

American Dad! » Season 4 » Phantom of the Telethon