Name: Mary the Paralegal
Released: 2017-08-19
Cast: Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders

1) fornicator

Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicator were harshing my mellow.
2) virginity

No, lose your virginity. What up.
3) slump

and your slump is over.
4) bathtub

Pouring Dom Perignon down a bathtub drain.
5) superhero

I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building.
6) paralegal

What does a paralegal do exactly?
7) lipstick

Oh, my God, I used her lipstick! Ah!
8) rumor

Starting a bunch of office rumor?
9) fisherman

Aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen.
10) motif

In keeping with tonight's award show motif,
11) impulse

Trust that impulse, Ted.
12) kindergarten

The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes
13) banquet

Okay, to bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically or to actually have sex with?
14) gentleman

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 45th annual Local Area Media Awards.
15) internship

Well, it's just an internship, for the record.
16) whore

Oh, so now she's a whore?
17) triumph

and the triumph of the human spirit.
18) helmet

Hey, you know that scene in Empire where they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head?

1) chitchat

We just chitchat and I borrowed her lipstick.
2) oblige

Much oblige.
3) insult

You just insult someone I hate by referencing something I love.
4) nominate

My story on Pickles, the Singing Dog, just got nominate for a Local Area Media Award.
5) slap

She slap me and stormed off.
6) harsh

Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators were harsh my mellow.
7) borrow

We just chitchatted and I borrow her lipstick.
8) celebrate

Tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting
9) hang

You don't return my calls, we never hang out
10) invite

Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invite her.
11) lie

You lie and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were
12) bet

Oh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers,
13) teach

Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time.
14) encourage

Yes, it's encourage.
15) lose

so you could try to nail Robin and you wound up losing both girls in one night?
16) happen

Hey. Something kind of cool just happen.
17) guess

I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building.
18) finish

But then after that, I finish my coffee and I go to my real job as an architect

1) insanely

A-- it will make Robin insanely jealous...
2) blatantly

Look at you, Scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous.
3) ironically

Okay, to bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically or to actually have sex with?
4) someday

And who knows? Maybe we'll wind up getting married someday.
5) aloud

reading them aloud to viewers.
6) sadly

unlike you and, sadly, my fiance.
7) nicely

That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done.
8) literally

during which he literally flipped through today's papers,
9) solely

You want to judge a fellow human being based solely on one external characteristic?
10) besides

Besides, I'm trying to make Robin jealous.
11) definitely

- Look, I shouldn't go. - You should definitely go.
12) forever

So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now?
13) normally

You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date, but...
14) exactly

Exactly. Thank you, Mary.
15) alone

Yeah. I mean, this one guy just wouldn't leave me alone.
16) almost

Okay, three things. First of all, Robin's category's almost up.
17) actually

You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were
18) kind

Hey. Something kind of cool just happened.

1) puritanical

Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution?
2) supe

By the way, you know what's supe fun?
3) idiotic

These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours.
4) jealous

Look at you, Scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous.
5) adorable

That's adorable. Ted, you're such a hayseed.
6) exhausted

I'm just exhausted from work.
7) amazed

I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you, but I can't do this.
8) rude

Oh, how rude of me.
9) asleep

Lily, I know you're asleep, but I have to tell someone this,
10) nervous

Is he having a nervous breakdown?
11) weird

Do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if I bring a date?
12) odd

Why, is that so odd?
13) triple

Even better, triple threat-- hotter and bigger boobs.
14) tough

Must be tough.
15) stupid

The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes
16) okay

- You okay? - Oh, yeah, sorry.
17) gross

Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution?
18) mad

So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now?

How I Met Your Mother » Season 1 » Mary the Paralegal