New here? Create a new Account
Move to the previous cue
Move to the next cue
Increase size of captions
Decrease size of captions
Translate current cue
00:22:31
Seth MacFarlan, Alex Borstein, Seth Green
92
- I just got him a crappy bottle of myrrh. - Hello? Frankincense! You always do this!
Those jewelled bug barrette. Not costume - real. Maybe you should write that down.
so don't think I wouldn't throw your drunk-driving ass in the slammer!
Everyone knows pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar!
Don't worry, kid. It's just a mild sedative. Go!
Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
How dare he say such blasphemy! I've gotta do something!
and while you're at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to hell!
All right, Kringle! If the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be nice.
Oh, our saviour has arrived!
So, you want to dress me up and trot me about like a circus poodle, hm?
That's for letting Joe join in your reindeer games.
All right, Kringle! If the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be nice.
and then it's off to the pageant to see little Stewie play Baby Jesus.
so you have to compress your body to the size of a sponge
Yep. Now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here.
You think all this goodwill falls from the freakin' sky? It doesn't!
Let's lose the bad tidings and find that holiday cheer.
and one of them mutter something anti-Semitic.
Hungry Hungry Hippos? Claus, you porcine double-crosser!
a man once portray on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter.
- Can you be a good boy? - Hm, your inquiry intrigue me.
You just practise that guitar, Santa. Next time we'll let you do a solo.
But you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe. Open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.
Yeah, Peter, one of us has to be the designate driver,
Change me! I've leak, and I won't face him wet!
Can any of us be good? Are our primal urge innate or the result of our choices?
Someone stole Santa? That does not rock!
How dare he say such blasphemy! I've gotta do something!
assured that our good behaviour will be reward with love... and plutonium.
assure that our good behaviour will be rewarded with love... and plutonium.
Oh, our saviour has arrive!
So you understand, all these gifts were suppose to be for my family.
You... you lie to me.
Don't put it in your nose. It burn like hell.
- Did you get everything you wanted? - You bet. A week's vacation, a new VCR,
Megan, Santa would think it terribly naughty of me not to fulfil my obligation to Mother.
and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
"Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Honey, Santa's making a list and checking it twice.
No, it's not possible! Sitting alone in this public setting?
Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-a and wrangle a three-way with the Olsen twins.
but not quite up to the task of seducing green women.
I almost caught him last year. But he's magic!
You can watch all the TV you want... just as soon as we get back from the mall.
Why don't you take Joe along?
Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his family at serious risk.
But you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe. Open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.
Look, we'll put everything together and put all our names on it.
You all expect someone else to do it for you, like Santy Claus or Mommy!
Thank God years ago I planted a homing device in her skull
You're gonna make the cutest Baby Jesus ever.
Sure I am. Meg, honey, get me some paper towels.
Those jewelled bug barrettes. Not costume - real. Maybe you should write that down.
If he were omnipotent, he'd have the fortitude to show himself!
That'll be about as much fun as a lecture on ontological empiricism.
and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
I am a bit irritated that I have to shop again. But at least some good came out of it.
No bulletproof glass? Claus, you make it too easy.
Can any of us be good? Are our primal urges innate or the result of our choices?
Anyhoo, the perennial dictum is to spread goodwill towards all men.
If I'm asleep, just stuff 'em in my mouth.
All he did was wish you a merry Christmas.
But you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe. Open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.
So cook your own damn turkey, wrap your own damn presents,
and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
- It's working! - Santa, be careful!
and that miracle that occurred on that silent winter's night.
It's just easier to call you stupid.
You're not mad?
Change me! I've leaked, and I won't face him wet!