Name: White Elephant
Released: 2016-11-17
Cast: H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash

1) ratline

Odessa. You know, the ratline?
2) gringo

What do you think is gonna happen when three gringo waltz in
3) amphetamine

Amphetamines!
4) cartel

Wholesale. So what, we form a cartel?
5) treason

Treason? What? Archer, what'd you do?
6) espionage

This is about conducting espionage operations for years
7) choke

Because she was busy having choke-sex with a murderous cyborg,
8) kudos

And kudos, but for the rest of us,
9) acorn

As what, an actual acorn?
10) spawn

Yes, who could forget, with the bastard spawn of a total stranger.
11) spoiler

Because spoiler alert, they're unisex!
12) chop

Or wherever, but come on, chop-chop.
13) coup

We just started a frickin' coup!
14) parole

life in federal prison without parole!
15) asshole

She meant who the hell are these guys, you big, dumb idiot asshole!
16) lieu

"...in lieu of criminal prosecutions for doo-doo-doo treason,
17) defender

because I was so burned out defending scumbags as a public defender?
18) mob

Irish mob. Piracy.

1) kidnap

They kidnap Cherlene!
2) forfeit

"I hereby forfeit ISIS headquarters,
3) zap

When you get zap with 50,000 volts, it's like, like...
4) splice

Well, if I want Hitler's DNA splice into him, I'll give you a call.
5) stumble

I think you just stumble backwards into a CIA arms deal.
6) devise

Dr. Krieger has devise a way to transport the cocaine undetected.
7) invade

And, for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure I just invade Laos.
8) waltz

What do you think is gonna happen when three gringos waltz in
9) haul

Did you tell anybody we were haul a shit load of coke?
10) swear

And, Chi, I swear to God,
11) steal

buys a gun and steal a car, and he tries to run, but he don't get far!
12) dig

He's dug in there like a tick and...
13) trap

trap in the realm of possibility...
14) screw

Well, Pam screw the Yakuza out of a million bucks of amphetamines.
15) belong

One of which belong to the prime minister of goddamn Italy.
16) shut

Will you shut up?
17) suppose

You're suppose to yell "FBI" at the beginning.
18) shoot

but before Other Fat Mike gets shot. Ow!

1) figuratively

Oh, that was figuratively killing me.
2) tightly

Tightly, by my childhood's throat.
3) backwards

I think you just stumbled backwards into a CIA arms deal.
4) whatsoever

with no authority or permission whatsoever
5) permanently

"and also agree to permanently cease and desist
6) wherever

Or wherever, but come on, chop-chop.
7) literally

What are we gonna do with literally, not figuratively,
8) hereby

"and I do hereby certify..."
9) herein

"...that the facts herein are true and correct, signed Pamela Poovey."
10) obviously

Well, not mine, obviously, but...
11) underground

We can go underground, get new identities,
12) carefully

and listen to me very carefully.
13) extremely

and you are extremely under arrest.
14) exactly

Ha! Exactly, I...
15) alone

No, no, no! Leave me alone!
16) perhaps

Oh. Well, then perhaps we should get him back on the phone.
17) especially

Yeah. Everybody. Especially you, Ms. Archer.
18) actually

Which was actually my fault.

1) unenforceable

but that entire document is completely unenforceable!
2) murderous

Because she was busy having choke-sex with a murderous cyborg,
3) pathetic

and I'm Too Stupid to Realize My Life's a Pathetic Joke!
4) jealous

Oh, you're just jealous.
5) bastard

Yes, who could forget, with the bastard spawn of a total stranger.
6) dumb

She meant who the hell are these guys, you big, dumb idiot asshole!
7) soviet

Until I built a sexier one out of illegal Soviet parts
8) fake

What? How is this better than your second fake 50th?
9) incredible

Incredible! I must meet this woman!
10) weird

- Sorry. It's not that weird. - Look... Lana!
11) stupid

and I'm Too Stupid to Realize My Life's a Pathetic Joke!
12) alive

You'll never take me alive!
13) underground

hope I'm not too old to get back into underground fighting.
14) numerous

Numerous long talks!
15) dear

It's me, dear, Mrs. J. Edgar Hoover's mother!
16) illegal

Until I built a sexier one out of illegal Soviet parts
17) exact

You're doing the exact thing you promised me you wouldn't!
18) irish

Irish mob. Piracy.

Archer » Season 5 » White Elephant