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00:21:54
Seth MacFarlane
106
I wanna shoot that fat turd in the belly!
Is it weird to have a boner?
I'd like to see that fat testicle-tickler come down my chimney.
Now take you a full swig and we'll get started.
heady tingle that I require.
You did it! You kissed the raccoon!
Nothing. Deliverance joke.
He's trying to kill us, you moron! You gave away our hiding spot!
right after me and this here reindeer make sweet, tender love.
Well, normally people put bourbon in their eggnog.
[ Groans ] This sucker tried to turn into liquid energy on me,
♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪
you wise old cracker!
check the guy's fingerprint on my C.I.A. computer,
Jeff, please leave my family alone forever! Will you do me that kindness?
Francine, give Hayley your candy cane.
What do we do? If that elf is right,
He could play the skin flute. [ Laughs ]
B-But, Dad, I swore I'd never touch another gun as long as I live.
First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean.
like letting homeless people smell our napkins...
Does your family always have such mess-up Christmases?
Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.
What the hell am I suppose to do with it?
[ Gasps ] Almost shot my eye out!
You guys hold them off! I'll tend to Mr. S. in the cockpit.
I promise I won't get Steve a gun for Christmas.
how to make this here whiskey the way my pappy taught me.
Francine, you and Hayley lock the door behind us and shoot from the windows.
Here. Just suck it till it's pointy.
but when we look at him, all we see is him getting ram in the woods.
And I seek a blind moonshiner with four arms...
- I got one too! - Did someone blab about what happen in the woods?
But I guess if coked-out child soldiers in the Congo can do it.
before the sun rise on Christmas Day!
And I will let you drive my Camaro when I fix the God-dang drive shaft!
[ Santa ] You're damn right, you jerk!
Gotta be around here somewhere.
Personally, I think you're an ass.
Jeff, please leave my family alone forever! Will you do me that kindness?
Oh, honey! He'll come around eventually.
Well, normally people put bourbon in their eggnog.
Go forth and brew my ancient elixir with these sacred jugs.
Won't hear when I make ya squeal like a pig neither. What?
Jeff, please leave my family alone forever! Will you do me that kindness?
Now we're just gonna bury that body deep in the woods and never talk about it again.
[ Country Accent ] I look forward to the day we meet again,
And it appears you can see me quite well.
[ Gasps ] Almost shot my eye out!
He's doesn't know anything! He's super dumb, Hayley!
All right, Steve and I will go outside with Bob Todd.
Actually, it does, Dad. And you need to accept that.
About a second later that would have been the other way around.
A gun? Can't you bond over something else?
I am unorthodox.
[ Roger, Country Accent ] Make that five, numb-nuts.
And if you're sane, you'll never believe a word of this story.
You're a golden dumb-ass!
Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman.
I'm asking for an authentic polar bear helmet...
Go forth and brew my ancient elixir with these sacred jugs.
Dad, be nice to Jeff. He's just excited about Christmas.
I'm asking for an authentic polar bear helmet...
I'm telling you, I can't get drunk!
Excuse me. Do you have seasonal beers?
a damn thing for Christmas.
Is it weird to have a boner?
You look amazing, Francine! You're so attractive!
Just know that my methods are unusual.
The emotional burden I've felt ever since--
right after me and this here reindeer make sweet, tend love.
He's a grown man and he still believes in Santa Claus.