Name: El Secuestro
Released: 2016-11-29
Cast: H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash

1) jillion

Then you stupid A-holes shoot a jillion stupid A-hole bullets at me.
2) kidnapper

Jealous of what? Being scared of kidnapper for the rest of my life?
3) ocelot

Right, like the time her ocelot was sick? Well...
4) fingertip

I mean, unless you wanna chop off my fingertip and slice out my retinas.
5) moped

You're a moped. Huh.
6) remorse

But it should be Buyer's Remorse. MALORY: And...
7) negotiator

I'm lead negotiator. LANA: No, you're not.
8) retainer

A modest retainer. LANA: Ah.
9) chauffeur

They are dead, though. The chauffeur had a stroke and slammed into a tree.
10) descendant

Do you expect me to believe you're a descendant of Cornelius Tunt?
11) modulator

That's just a voice modulator. Uh, hello?
12) jealousy

I am literally wet with jealousy.
13) rosewood

Brazilian rosewood, straight from the heart of the Amazon jungle.
14) ransom

...if you don't pay the ransom.
15) fingerprint

There. Now cut this shit off so I can do the fingerprint reader.
16) breaker

Obviously, a dye pack is a deal breaker.
17) sack

Nut sack.
18) perimeter

So secure the perimeter, do a floor-by-floor sweep, and...

1) kidnap

...laughing her skinny, lying ass off because she got me kidnap.
2) swear

I swear to God I'm blind.
3) smash

Hey, I'm not the one who smash my eyes into eggplants.
4) owe

She owe me $3700. For what?
5) whip

...when I'm whip 5000 bucks' worth of your ass.
6) slam

They are dead, though. The chauffeur had a stroke and slam into a tree.
7) borrow

Well, whatever. I borrow it from my IRA, and if I don't pay it back...
8) negotiate

...is negotiating with a goddamn cyborg. Hello?
9) dump

And I bet that sneaky little chief just dump them all...
10) hang

BRETT: You got it? Yes, hang up.
11) shut

Wow. Lana, shut up.
12) trace

Ahem. They were probably tracing us.
13) shoot

Not you, Mr. Bloodmobile. Ha, ha, he got shot again.
14) kick

Cheryl's dumb ass gets me kidnapped and the shit kick out of me all day...
15) realize

Once the kidnappers realize they've got the wrong idiot...
16) murder

Oh, my parents were murder.
17) bet

I bet you spent 10 times that on your new conference table.
18) teach

Who taught you how to punch?

1) technically

Technically, 9:01 also.
2) literally

I am literally wet with jealousy.
3) hence

Yes. Hence the shandy.
4) obviously

Well, we obviously don't want you to... Violate the first law of robotics.
5) apparently

Apparently, slavery was pretty awesome.
6) definitely

Roger that. I will definitely tell him right now.
7) absolutely

No, she didn't. She absolutely certainly did, Ray.
8) extremely

It's been an extremely volatile year.
9) certainly

No, she didn't. She absolutely certainly did, Ray.
10) quite

Cheryl, dear, I don't quite know how to put this, but...
11) especially

Yeah, screw them, especially Cheryl.
12) late

That's kind of more Pam's department. Who is also late.
13) actually

It actually is a billion dollars. Oh.
14) kind

That's kind of more Pam's department. Who is also late.
15) inside

Hey, thanks for getting us inside, Pam.
16) enough

It was bad enough when I was only worth 50 million.
17) though

They are dead, though. The chauffeur had a stroke and slammed into a tree.
18) far

Hang on, this is far from over.

1) tufted

ARCHER: Look at his tufted ears. ...worth?
2) dum

I don't have it, dum-dum.
3) unmarked

Unmarked bills, uh, non-sequential. Just keep him on the line.
4) biometric

Then good luck getting past all the biometric scanners.
5) frontal

Hey, so I'm not totally on board with a full frontal assault on ISIS.
6) pathetic

What? Which, even for you, pretty pathetic.
7) lame

And I just can't wait to hear that lame excuse.
8) volatile

It's been an extremely volatile year.
9) modest

A modest retainer. LANA: Ah.
10) stuffed

On the way, we gotta stop at a toy store and get him a stuffed animal. Something.
11) dumb

But they're not dumb enough to leave the door wide open. Are they?
12) curious

Can I jump in? Kind of curious.
13) brazilian

Brazilian rosewood, straight from the heart of the Amazon jungle.
14) desperate

Because he is desperate for stuff to play with. What are we doing?
15) damn

MAN 2: Just get her in the damn van.
16) weird

Total shitbox. They're weird.
17) stupid

Because I'm just her stupid friend.
18) okay

Keep those hands up. Pam, you okay?

Archer » Season 2 » El Secuestro