Name: White Nights
Released: 2016-11-29
Cast: H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash

1) borscht

...comes home for his borscht, only to find an unexpected dinner guest.
2) eardrum

You know how bad that is for eardrum? What?
3) loafer

Think it's because I'm in loafer? They're not mine.
4) neurologist

Super bad. Have you seen a neurologist?
5) femur

You remember that he shattered my femur, right?
6) douche

Oh. But he's such a douche bag. I know, dear. But he's also my son.
7) extinguisher

Nice extinguisher. Thank you, comrade.
8) tetanus

Really rethinking that tetanus booster right about now.
9) superpower

Piece of... How are you a superpower?
10) welder

Get a welder to cut the top off that and, bing, new umbrella stand, huh?
11) tendon

Probably hanging by his Achilles tendon in some KGB hellhole.
12) carcass

Get your bloated carcass in here.
13) paternity

...of DNA test to establishing paternity? I thought they just wanted my hair...
14) hallway

Hallway? Where you wanna knock this out?
15) temper

He's really got a temper.
16) chatter

Uh, radio chatter about an American agent the KGB caught parachuting into Russia?
17) bullshit

Oh, that is bullshit. Really?
18) vodka

Oh, and also, hopefully, shitloads of vodka. Woo-hoo!

1) sodomize

And I'm sure that must be... Oh, and he sodomize my fiancée.
2) backstab

JAKOV: You backstab, two-timing harlot.
3) smuggle

I thought I'd shoot you in the face, smuggle you out in a coffin.
4) douche

**** you, you douche bags.
5) shatter

You remember that he shatter my femur, right?
6) beg

Oh, yeah. After I beg you not to.
7) swear

I swear, I'm just a Finnish skydiving enthusiast who...
8) whip

Then I put whip cream all over everything.
9) smell

Eh. Plus, smell that.
10) shut

Now shut up while I go confront my putative father.
11) suppose

Ask your mom! What's that suppose to mean?
12) torture

Sterling's probably being torture as we speak.
13) shoot

You shoot like old women.
14) lie

After a lifetime of your secrets and lie, we will finally have the truth!
15) murder

...with 2-to-1 odds he ends up brutally murder, so yes...
16) throw

Here we go. Ever since you threw me off a balcony.
17) bet

You know what I bet happened is all the shocks damaged my frontal lobe.
18) pull

Hey, thanks, guys. Just tell my mother I pull a gun on you, all right?

1) deliciously

Well, gee, Barry, what's French for "deliciously depraved"?
2) brutally

...with 2-to-1 odds he ends up brutally murdered, so yes...
3) profoundly

Has anyone ever told you you are profoundly self-centered?
4) emotionally

How would you phrase the fact that you crippled me physically and emotionally?
5) wherever

Ugh, wherever. After you bring back Archer.
6) personally

If he is not my biologic son, I will put, personally, a bullet in his brain.
7) obviously

Well, it's obviously not, and what?
8) apparently

Which is apparently a soldier factory.
9) sometimes

MALORY: Huh? B, sometimes I work late...
10) finally

After a lifetime of your secrets and lies, we will finally have the truth!
11) super

It's super bad for you.
12) actually

Actually, I don't know what I was implying. I just said it.
13) fine

I'm sure they're treating him just fine.
14) together

You're still together?
15) ever

GILLETTE: Not once, not ever, has he volunteered for a dangerous mission.
16) least

Well, at least I have a father, Barry.
17) once

GILLETTE: Not once, not ever, has he volunteered for a dangerous mission.
18) always

Always hide in plain sight. Unless you've got a better idea.

1) zygomatic

That's a broken zygomatic bone. Plus, I was unconscious for an hour.
2) luxuriant

...so their scientists could unlock the secret of its luxuriant fullness.
3) depraved

Well, gee, Barry, what's French for "deliciously depraved"?
4) scandalous

Y'all know me, I'm no gossip, but that is some scandalous-ass shit right there.
5) bloated

Get your bloated carcass in here.
6) sarcastic

Uh, how about something a little less sarcastic?
7) dreaded

Do you know your son is here in the cells of the dreaded Lubyanka?
8) bespoke

Yeah, to the silk-lined sleeve of a bespoke Savile Row suit jacket.
9) fluent

Well, that someone needs to be fluent in Russian...
10) frontal

You know what I bet happened is all the shocks damaged my frontal lobe.
11) unconscious

And, uh, by the way, try not to be unconscious too long.
12) suspicious

Under very suspicious circumstances.
13) putative

Now shut up while I go confront my putative father.
14) versatile

Hey, it's a versatile shoe. Works with a turtleneck, obviously, but...
15) unexpected

...comes home for his borscht, only to find an unexpected dinner guest.
16) sudden

And now, all of a sudden, he's like, "Let me go"?
17) fake

Okay, I got my fake documents, plenty of cash, so the crossing should be a breeze.
18) damn

...and C, there's this new thing the kids are doing called shutting the damn door.

Archer » Season 2 » White Nights