Name: Blood Test
Released: 2016-11-29
Cast: H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash

1) jillion

No, what's lame is that you told me a jillion times you never wanted kids.
2) mulatto

MAN [ON RINGTONE]: Mulatto butts
3) falafel

And after that falafel, I am right behind him.
4) ghoul

That's because those ODIN ghoul drained a fifth of your blood.
5) curd

Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse.
6) predisposition

That and a genetic predisposition toward... WOODHOUSE: Ants!
7) swab

Why can't you just take a DNA swab?
8) villager

I'll just have lgor bring a villager up to my castle.
9) absinthe

I brained him with the absinthe bottle. Why?
10) solace

Yeah, well, since Lana broke up with me, I've been finding solace in food.
11) scrape

After that scrape I got you out of?
12) drugstore

I'll go to the drugstore and get supplies.
13) binge

And the guilt from sex makes me binge, then I feel fat...
14) paternity

Why is this a subpoena? It's for the paternity test.
15) melon

Yeah, that, plus all those melon balls. I had about nine of them.
16) subpoena

Why is this a subpoena? It's for the paternity test.
17) dope

Why, just this tray of... Don't bullshit me, you old dope fiend.
18) germ

Because babies are soft-skulled, fat little germ sacks...

1) cede

I hereby cede any and all rights...
2) sneeze

And why are you bleaching everything? Ugh! Because it sneeze out here.
3) puke

Escort, you puke. And I'm retired.
4) barge

They just sort of barge in, sir.
5) invent

Turtlenecks. I invent the turtleneck. MALORY: Look.
6) vie

But c'est la vie, dear. Yeah, and c'est la child support.
7) expose

...and now we've all been expose to that one's bacteria.
8) administer

And said test will, obviously, be administer by a third party, so...
9) knock

Why should I care if Archer knock up some hooker?
10) remind

And that remind me. Dr. Ben?
11) suffer

Because I, too, suffer from sexual addiction.
12) drag

Who drag out all this old crap?
13) quit

MALORY: Sterling! You quit being such a baby, you prick.
14) hang

How's it hang, buddy?
15) shut

And cue the collective sigh of relief. Oh, shut up.
16) suppose

And what's that suppose to mean? It means I understand, Cyril.
17) tend

Alcohol tend to exacerbate an underlying personality disorder.
18) dodge

...I feel I dodge the world's most dysfunctional bullet.

1) disgustingly

...it had something to do with disgustingly kinky sex and a candy bar.
2) bareback

I'm sorry. How can you cheat on Lana bareback?
3) barefoot

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And why are you barefoot?
4) nowhere

And if I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, I'd be a teacher.
5) hereby

I hereby cede any and all rights...
6) separately

...because he is not sold separately.
7) damn

...and your hands are so damn big.
8) aside

But all kidding aside, ODIN will be providing security for the paternity test.
9) basically

BARRY: As the vault is basically one big shit storm of anti-intrusion devices.
10) somewhere

Well, I gotta sleep, so do it somewhere else.
11) obviously

And said test will, obviously, be administered by a third party, so...
12) definitely

Wow, I'm definitely missing that blood. Maybe if I drank some of Cyril's blood I'd...
13) forever

You dated Mr. Archer forever. And you have nothing to show for it.
14) normally

Normally I wouldn't let an intern do this on his first day, but...
15) exactly

It wasn't exactly planned, Lana. Okay, shut up, but...
16) sometimes

So? Sometimes I like to treat myself. Well, sometimes I like to ovulate.
17) super

Oh, and by the way, super crazy about the elevator pretending it's a dryer.
18) actually

I actually, uh, have my own.

1) childproof

Well, I'm sorry, Lana, but I didn't invent the childproof pill bottle.
2) uninterrupted

And as the 24 hours of uninterrupted vault footage shows...
3) rhetorical

I... Oh, was that not rhetorical?
4) disgusting

Oh, my God, yes, but your place is disgusting so where can we have it?
5) phased

ARCHER: Phased plasma laser countermeasures?
6) shattered

Consider it payback for my shattered femur.
7) vested

Well, we both have a vested interest in the outcome of this silly test.
8) vicious

...then I turn to sex to feel attractive again, then it's just this vicious cycle.
9) bastard

...for the bastard child you humped into a filthy whore.
10) lame

And you know what's fricking lame?
11) wee

No, like for let's have a baby shower for Trinette and the wee baby Seamus.
12) unclear

I'm still unclear on the liter thing.
13) rude

Cyril, it's a toast, don't be rude. No.
14) asleep

...I'd sneak in while you're asleep. KRIEGER: Me too!
15) blond

Not a handsome blond cripple like me.
16) unexpected

...but, Sterling, sometimes the unexpected things can turn out...
17) gentle

I don't want you to crush him. I'm gentle.
18) decent

...because pretty decent chance the baby's mine.

Archer » Season 2 » Blood Test