Name: Heart of Archness: Part I
Released: 2016-11-29
Cast: H. Jon Benjamin, Judy Greer, Amber Nash

1) desalinator

We've got a few gallons of freshwater, a desalinator for when that runs out.
2) numskull

Those numskull who picked us up were so drunk...
3) garrote

Which is why it's got knockout gas and a garrote and I think even a laser.
4) wheelhouse

Once these idiots figure out they can turn those cannons on the wheelhouse, we're gonna be...
5) newlywed

By tending bar and banging newlywed?
6) meatball

...as my hot meatball sub congeals into a big, fat, disappointing blob of shit.
7) airstrip

It doesn't know how to find the only airstrip within a thousand miles...
8) urinal

Yeah, crazy rich. She invented the splashless urinal cake.
9) ruse

But this better not be a ruse. Heh, heh. A ruse?
10) douche

I bet you just need more practice. Try this: Jerkins, you're a douche bag.
11) tinnitus

Ow! I actually have, like, mild tinnitus now.
12) autopilot

I thought you put it on autopilot. It just maintains course and altitude.
13) truce

So truce? Uh...
14) ration

Ought to call it a Y ration, as in, "Hey, this tastes like cat shit."
15) blob

...as my hot meatball sub congeals into a big, fat, disappointing blob of shit.
16) bartender

Then you can be a bartender and destroy a new marriage every week.
17) plank

Planks. Now I'm done.
18) ransom

So I bet she'd pay whatever ransom you ask for.

1) tartare

...then do the Kobe tartare with this '42 Lapin...
2) overshoot

Uncuff me, you idiot. Holy God, if we overshot our chance to refuel...
3) misunderstand

Then I, uh, misunderstood the concept.
4) puke

If it makes you feel better, I puke most of it up.
5) douche

Funny stuff. Jerkins, you douche bag.
6) bandage

...but before I gave you CPR and bandage your head.
7) skim

Were you gonna say, "Unless he's been skim cash...
8) invent

...who I think invent the radio.
9) stall

We stall the pirates until the ISIS rescue team shows up...
10) shave

After I shave and stuff, I took a pretty long nap, so...
11) sweat

Don't just sit there sweat like a gigantic cheese.
12) doom

Come on, that marriage was doom. And so are we, if we don't work together here.
13) attract

...and that you're still attract to him.
14) quit

Yeah, quit being a dick for five seconds and unlock the door.
15) suppose

No, "dickhead" was the go word. How was I suppose to know?
16) shoot

For breath-holding and number of sharks shot in the fricking face.
17) kick

Nice. So we just kick back, catch a few rays, catch some sushi.
18) rescue

Don't you wanna get rescue? Yeah, but those could be pirates.

1) secretly

Oh, don't give me that. You're all secretly delighted that he's gone.
2) downhill

Wow, ISIS has really gone downhill. But there must be some good agents.
3) surprisingly

Yet you're surprisingly unclear on the phrase "quickly and quietly."
4) nowhere

Our satellite's locked on the beacon, which is, jeez, the middle of nowhere.
5) barely

Damn, I can barely hold her level. Want me to help steer or...?
6) briefly

You were an ISIS agent? Briefly, way back.
7) somewhere

He's alive somewhere, and since you fools can't find him...
8) apparently

Apparently that's my grieving process.
9) exactly

Is there a naval base there or? Not exactly. It's more of a, uh...
10) otherwise

Oh, my God. Yeah, otherwise it's like:
11) actually

Me neither. Plus ISIS actually turned a profit this quarter.
12) kind

Pirates! That's kind of confusing since we're on a...
13) enough

Haven't you done enough already? How is this suddenly my fault?
14) though

They don't, though. They're just surrendering the ship to you.
15) together

Come on, that marriage was doomed. And so are we, if we don't work together here.
16) else

Nothing else within a thousand miles, and the beacon has been heading straight for it...
17) least

At least you got a honeymoon. My fiancée was murdered.
18) always

NOAH: Oh, the women always throw a huge feast when we return to port.

1) postcoital

Don't ruin your postcoital bliss with a bunch of misplaced guilt.
2) distraught

No. No matter how distraught Sterling is over Katya, he won't kill himself.
3) agitated

I'm agitated because you crashed my plane...
4) impractical

Yeah, making it wildly impractical. Got it.
5) misplaced

Don't ruin your postcoital bliss with a bunch of misplaced guilt.
6) rhetorical

Okay, A, rhetorical, and, B, your what? Seaplane.
7) covert

So we've got a highly-ish skilled covert agent...
8) gigantic

Don't just sit there sweating like a gigantic cheese.
9) jealous

What she implied was that we're jealous of Archer...
10) disappointing

...as my hot meatball sub congeals into a big, fat, disappointing blob of shit.
11) unclear

Yet you're surprisingly unclear on the phrase "quickly and quietly."
12) ridiculous

For the ridiculous image you're trying to cultivate for yourself.
13) pedal

ARCHER: I did that. ...the other pedal flushes it.
14) delighted

Oh, don't give me that. You're all secretly delighted that he's gone.
15) insane

...and this chocolate terrine looks insane.
16) dumb

A ruse, you big dumb idiot.
17) crap

CAPTAIN: "Fortress." That is the word. My English so crap.
18) delicious

...I don't eat all those fat, delicious childrens.

Archer » Season 3 » Heart of Archness: Part I